A Wee Sick Day

I am so glad I spent those hot days of summer putting our veggies into stocks and soups. I officially have the sick, and am eating lots of nutritious chicken and rice soup, plus lamb aspic cubes for strength and kale from my autumn garden. It makes me feel better to remember making this soup with things from my own yard, plus a chicken.

Also, I do have to work tonight. This is why I am staying in bed all day and taking naps. It's important that I am ready for burgers and bloody mary bar staff meal later on! Plus tomorrow- chanterelle hunting!!!!

Hot Dog Bar

Saturday night we had a bar themed meal! Hot dog bar! Jon's homemade fermented pickles, aoli, yellow mustard, apple and cabbage slaw, and toasted buns. We also had apples and honey to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. We were running a dessert special at the restaurant that night and when it was all said and done I made sure to remind them that they had "promised me a dessert". This was just not true. But, blame it on my attractive waitress clogs, I got what I wanted! Vanilla bean yogurt panna cotta with fresh berries and whipped cream SERVED IN A WINE GLASS! I often feel that foods served in fancy glass wear is a little tacky, but this was anything but. It was like I was a fairy princess eating out of a dew drop. I shared with Holly despite my strong urges to eat it in the mop closet, alone and frantic, and in the end it was better that way. It was a big dessert.

Group Effort

Last night the front of house staff brought in what we wanted the back of house to make us for dinner. We wanted cheeseburgers.
We had delicious beef and pork burgers with curly fries. It ruled. Thank you to the people who made it possible.

A note from the floor last night- I have a new favorite kind of person. This person has a real passion for a general category: sauce. I was talking to a table last night and one guy asked, "So, does the salmon have sauce on it?" And I said, "Well yes it does- we put sauce on almost all of our entrees." The look on his face was ecstatic as he exclaimed, "I love sauce." My favorite part of this story was as I retold it to my boss last night, she started laughing so hard that she cried a little bit. And then, after the laughter and tears stopped she said, "It's just that... I love sauce too."
How great is all this love for sauce???

Fancy Ramen

Nic and all of Saturday night's cooks made us a huge treat after work. Dark, porky broth with ramen or udon noodles, boiled eggs, fish cakes, green onions, pork, and seaweed. Guess what else we had- tempura battered shrimp and zucchini from my yard! We also had these weird Japanese cookies that were both salty and sweet and also were a lot like styrofoam. Thanks team!

Chocolate

On Saturday night we we presented with the staff meal challenge. We (servers) were to bring in ingredients, and they (cooks) would do something with them. So, with mole sauce in mind, I brought in a bag of dark cocoa- only to be told that this was "lame", "impossible", and that I "must shop at 7-11 for Christmas presents".
So. Let it be known that I will NEVER bring in anything for those monsters again. We ended up having mac and cheese with vegetables and spicy chocolate milk. It was very tasty and bad for you.

Despite that naughtiness, it is a glorious time of year at our restaurant. Some of my favorite things are featured on the menu right now (Pasta with tripe! Strawberry shortcake! Rabbit with mustard sauce!). We are getting in the most beautiful early summer produce. I am getting very excited for my garden to start producing some veggies I can cook with- it looks like the purple bush beans may come first!

In other news, I recently had a very dramatic day of estate sale-ing that started with fun and laughter and ended with someone running over my foot and me bursting into tears.

At the first sale, I ran directly to the kitchen. On the stove was a big, dirty, chocolate brown dutch oven-type pot. My heart, it fluttered. Could it be? Yes. It was, in fact, a 15 quart Le Creuset goose pot. The bottom looked awful. Maybe rusted, and maybe missing some enamel. (After Kevin spent the afternoon scrubbing, it emerged as a perfect specimen.) The gentlemen running the sale appeared to be more college sports kinds of guys than french cookery fans, and they were selling the pot for $1.

$1. Please see above for photo. Also notice jewel colored Italian metal cups and our new backyard bar (the trailer).

As far as the foot incident goes, lets just say a certain person that I love didn't realize that I was exiting our slowly moving car and somehow the back of my heel was nearly crushed. It was painful, but I got a milkshake AND a magazine cut-out of Mount Hood to make me feel better. Both were very soothing.

Forgotten

I find it harder and harder to remember what happened at work the moment I walk out the door, these days. I went out drankin' with my beautiful co-workers the other night, and none of us could remember what crap had gone on mere moments before. What can you whine about when you can't even remember a single person's face or bad attitude from the evening? I have to practice word games to help jog my memory (which is a frail and faulty tangled web of lies anyway) such as : mean. nice. rude. poorly dressed. handsome. abusive. sexist. sexy. sexless. OH YEAH! And then I can launch into another boring waitressing story. But even the game isn't helping me tonight, and I really wanted to get snarky.

I will tell you that me and the Hollys got hit on by this can of vegetables


And in a much more annoying way by this balding I mean budding comedy star:



Anyway. Staff meal on saturday night was baked potato bar with rapini in smokey onion cheese sauce. Um... Are you kidding me? Broccoli and cheese on a baked potato? It was very soothing.

In other news I had a fantastic meal here including red velvet cake for dessert, and a famous burger at this famous spot in my new neighborhood!

All Too Familiar

This* looks a lot like staff meal, doesn't it? That's me at the bottom, stealing from Shane's plate.

*photo from cuteoverload.com, my favorite website.

Adult Spaghetti O's

As expected, Saturday was a long and strenuous night of waiting tables. And still I followed through (which, for some reason was greeted with surprise) and made us a staff meal. When I was creating the menu in my mind for this night I really thought about the things I want out of staff meal- something warm and fun, and dessert, and I went from there.

Actually, the preparation started on Friday with the creation of 36 hour cookie dough. The key to perfect chocolate chip cookies is letting the dough rest in the fridge for a while-24 to 36 hours. Saturday (perhaps the sunniest and nicest day of the year so far) I worked in my kitchen lovingly preparing tiny meatballs, fresh cherry tomato red sauce and homemade blue cheese and buttermilk dressing. My idea was to have adult spaghetti O night, but I could only find alphabet pasta so that was the downside. I made the wonderful sauce and then pureed the shit out of it, so it was thin and saucy like the canned kind. Then I added in the tiny meatballs, and finished the whole deal with shakey-can cheese. I really know how to party.
I still had 4 tables when I started pulling the meal together at work. The kitchen, I guess pretending to mimic me, started asking about dinner at like 9:15 so I knew I had to hustle. It was very stressful, but if they were trying to teach me a lesson it did not work. I got right back there, bossed people around and got the meal going. I had already made the cookie dough and the pasta sauce with balls at home- at work I needed to boil the pasta, cut the iceburg lettuce into wedges and artfully drizzle with blue cheese dressing, and bake the cookies off. Meanwhile, I also had to dazzle my customers and keep everyone happy. Somehow it all came together perfectly. All of our customers left, we pulled the tables together, and sat down as a family. It started out so nicely, with lots of gratitude and sweetness. Things turned less sweet when bodily fluids and 7-11 became the focus of conversation, but everyone shut up again once the cookies hit the table. Warm, chewy and crispy cookies with a sprinkle of sea salt on top. Try this recipe- it can actually make boys stop talking about their penises for 2 minutes.

A Dark, Dark World

It turns out that if you harass a kitchen full of people for enough months (years) on end, they will break. All it took was me standing in everyone's way, stuffing undercooked crackers into my mouth and loudly complaining about staff meal. They turned on me and said, "You know what Jenny? Why don't YOU make staff meal for once if you want it so badly." And you know what I said? "FINE, I WILL. I'll show all you just how good peanut butter can BE." So... quite a pickle I got myself in. You see, I'm playing this fun game called "waitress buys a house" that has me all in a knot, and now I have to spend saturday (supposed packing day, kind of like right now is) slaving over a hot stove. Because I can't just ladle some mustard and meat pieces over hominy they way they do- I have to impress. I can't reveal my plan so far (don't have one), but it will be documented and will most likely involve candy and/or whipped cream.


Now I'm off to soothe my aching mind with vermouth.

Heres a thought:

If you're going to be the worst table I have ever dealt with, don't look at my boobs while you complain about the crackers. Number one, you're old enough to be my grandfather. Number two, you're complaining about CRACKERS.
This experience taught me a lesson. Well it taught me two lessons- Holly told me maybe I shouldn't have boobs if I don't want people looking at them. So that was the first really helpful lesson. The second one was this: When I reviewed my tips at the end of the night, I thought that I saw that they had left me a large tip. This table could not have been more difficult, and so I was very surprised. So that got me thinking- Does it make it OK for a table to play mind games with you AND objectify you all at once if they leave you a large tip or does it make you feel dirty and used? What the hell? Who were these people coming in, seemingly hating everything, and then leaving a large tip? I concluded that I would have preferred if they had followed through and left a couple of nickels so I didn't feel like their whole shtick was a fucked up form of entertainment for them. "Lets complain about delicious, perfectly prepared food, and Frank- you're creepy- why don't you make the waitress uncomfortable by never once lifting your eyes from her chest! Perfect! She will squirm!" I was settled on my righteous answer- I'll take a little respect over money- until I looked at the credit card slip again and saw that they tipped quite poorly (as originally anticipated). Immediately I was pissed! So, that proves it once and for all- my morals are very weak. I'll take the money. Or maybe it just shows that I will complain no matter what.

Anyway, I've been promised pizza for staff meal tonight. Whoa- I went to the Country Cat the other night and sat at the chef's counter with my family and ended up getting in a lively conversation about staff meal with cooks. Those guys have staff meal before AND after every shift, and they bring in special treats all the time. They have nachos. I don't want to say I have a wandering eye; I'm very loyal to my job. But nachos... a girl can dream. After I get fired because of the old b-l-o-g I know where I'm going.

Before AND After

Saturdays are often kind of weird for my eating schedule. I generally go out for brunch and eat so much that I feel sick all day- and so I usually don't eat before I work. But that is a bad idea, and I realize this about 15 minutes before we open, and that is when bar-caddy snack happens. The bar-caddy is the thing that holds the olives, cherries, picked onions and lemon slices for cocktails. Bar-caddy snack is when I get a plate and a spoon and serve myself a little of each, and slice up an orange for good measure. This snack does not make sense on the plate or in my stomach but my brain likes it a lot.

Post shift staff meal was awesome last night- almost as good as the pre. Japanese curry (full of my favorite spice, MSG) with potatoes, rutabaga, peas and asparagus on rice. It was hot and healthy, and paired with a frozen drink. Shane needed to use up some creepy moonshine and a bunch of other toxic spirits, so he blended them in the kitchen blender with ice and some pineapple juice. It was a perfect end to a perfect evening. Wait a minute...

I would like to address a certain behavior that I will not stand for. You see, David is kind enough to make us the most delicious little chocolates to hand out with the check for every table. He puts these adorable little chocolates into adorable little frilly paper cups. In each cup, if you look, there are two chocolates. Or, if you are hostile, defensive and rude, you do not bother to look and immediately attack your server for not giving you the proper number of free gifts. Here is a sample of this kind of behavior from a group of 6 (grumpy, hateful people) that I (disliked) waited on the other night.

Me: Thank you so much for dining with us, here are some salt and pepper chocolates made by our friend David for you to try tonight. It has been a real pleasure!
Customer #1: You only gave us three!
Me (pretending to be cheerful): Well if you look in the little cups you will see there are two chocolates in each cup. Do you really think I would only give you three free chocolates???
Customer #2: What- am I supposed to use a knife to cut them up?
Customer #3: There are ONLY THREE?!
Customer #4: What is the point of this? Why do we have three chocolates?
Customer #5: THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!
Customer #6: WE SHOULD BURN YOU AT THE STAKE!
Me (head tilted, patronizing smile): Like I just said, if you just use your eyes you will notice that there are two FUCKING FREE CHOCOLATES THAT ARE PROBABLY THE BEST CHOCOLATES YOU WILL EVER TRY per cup. What kind of a server do you think I am? Ha ha!"

It's the fact that people immediately assume that I am ripping them off with a free gift that bothers me. We aren't getting our fair portion of free chocolate, damn it! Believe it or not, I am not a mean, cheap con-artist most of the time. I don't understand why I need to prove myself as otherwise.

That Rainy Day Feeling

This photo was taken a few weeks ago during a memorable staff meal. Jon not only perfected his tomato soup recipe once and for all, but he also whipped up some grilled cheese sandwiches and then put some herbs and oil on my personal bowl of soup. It may be time for me to give in and get a "spoiled"bumper sticker or maybe on that says "got what I wanted." I know I can be a holy hell on Saturday nights, and yet I still get rewarded. I owe those guys a bottle of bourbon.

Feeding Frenzy

It was a weekend of truly INTENSE eating and heightened emotion. Our famous sous chef Dave has decided to up and leave us to devote himself to chocolate. On his last night of work, he made a staff meal to remember. You may remember a post a while back about meatball subs? Well apparently Jack, my fellow server who had not been working that night, has been pissed ever since he read about those sandwiches. He actually felt angry with me over my excessive poetry devoted to meatballs. WELL, Jack is no longer mad because Dave made them again for our final staff meal together. Tangy tomato sauce with "a whisper of spice", tneder balls the size of clementines, grated cheese for the top, and chewy vietnamese rolls. We all sat down together. The back of the restaurant was empty and so we could really spread out and talk dirty to our sandwiches. My dad and Kevin had come in for drinks at the bar, and Kevin actually joined us for a sub for old times sake. We drank beer, we ate, and eventually dare each other to eat more. Caroline, my heroine, ate 6 meatballs, while Nick, my hero, at 7. The next day Caroline had another and declared, "There, 7 meatballs in less than 24 hours. Happy?". Yes, I am happy.

Yesterday was Dave and Caroline's going away party. Wow- writing that down makes it a little more real- this is going to suck! I will miss them so much. Anyway though, again, absurd amounts of eating was done. It was kind of sick actually. My friend Laura and I went a little too far with the deep fried french toast and bacon pecan caramel sauce. Well, it might also have been the cornmeal waffles with creme fraiche, the latkes, the insane coffee cake, the scrambled eggs, the smoked salmon, the sausage and bacon, the bloody mary's and the mimosa's. We tried them all! It was so shocking to my belly- which has seen a lot in its day- that I felt just like I did that time in New Orleans when I puked. However, I pulled my shit together and went to the arcade with everyone, where Holly and I played Dance Dance Revolution (right? Is that what it's called?). I have never played that game, and didn't know that I was going to have to dance so hard... It made me feel much worse. I could not eat for the rest of the day or night- not even when Kevin fetched Lebonese food. It was sad, but at least I did not actually throw up this time. I think it's only appropriate that this was the condition I was left in after Dave's brunch. I'll miss you Dave!*

*Dave and I will be hosting a dessert night extravaganza at least once a month, starting next month. I can't reveal too many details because we don't know them all yet, but know that we will be making many desserts and you will be eating them all in one sitting, tasting menu style. You're welcome.

Why go out? Because no one else will smile at you.

There was another Creepy MacNeal perched at the end of the bar on friday night, and it was hard to know if he wanted to be Shane's best friend or Shane's boyfriend. He was really just a weirdo who wanted to tell all of us how much he loves our restaurant, and all of us. I mean, you guys- he has eaten in restaurants in New York before. New York! And he still thinks that we are the best. It's... our flavors. Our flavors are the best. He really like the flavors A LOT. In fact, he "nearly bought a condo in the Pearl just to be closer to our flavors!".
What the fuck are people talking about when they say that? It's the most vague and annoying thing to say ever. "Mmm... What I like about this dish... is all the flavors..." Can a dish not have "flavors"? Even if the flavor is "suck", it still has "flavors". After hearing him tell me, then Shane, then Jack the same fucking story about the flavors, I had to air my hatred for this man to Jack. Only to be rudely inturrupted by one of those chef's in the kitchen yelling "RUNNER PLEASE"! So he had to trot away and get the food. The plate needing to be run happened to be for our buddy at the end of the bar. Jack swooped it under his face and declared, like a maniac, "SPEAKING OF FLAVORS!!!!!" The guy looked like he had just won the lottery. How he glowed under the warmth of Jack's validation! What a loser! I almost shrieked with laughter, or maybe I actually did. Not sure.

But anyway. I a lot of really fun things happened at work this weekend. A drunk mom begged her daughter to be her friend on Facebook... a lesbian with Wierd Al hair poured her whole beer on a super conservative straight couple that were side-sitting on the banquette... an old british man told me he was a growing boy who needed more cheese (sounds funny but he was serious and had great hostility in his voice)...

It's over now. My most vivid memories are off the TWO staff meals I had this weekend. The first was the return of the giant sandwich. This one was filled with the center bread, extracted, fried, covered in cheese sauce, and returned to the loaf, pork loin, sherried red onions, and greens. We also had fried duck terrine. Then we had beignets.
Saturday night we all got to enjoy that tasty wild mushroom lasagna together with a lovely green salad.
I stopped by Clyde Common to spy on their staff meal too! Theirs looked really delicious and one of the employees told me that after a bad meal the week before he had snapped and the kitchen had been on their best behavior ever since. I told him he should start his own staff meal blog to use as a policing device.
They were having roast chicken and potatoes, a big salad, and baked pasta... maybe with pesto. Very delicious looking, and seemingly a good come-back.

The Biggest Loser (not the show)

I had the distinct pleasure of waiting on the biggest asshole of all time tonight. Did we ever speak? No. Did I ever make eye contact with him? No. Did he gesture, as I stood behind him trying to clear plates, for me to give him a back rub "while I was back there"? Yes, yes he did. And grinned at his "friends" all the while. I should have slapped him right on the ear.

The good news is that I got staff meal. Well, I got extra party food (even better). A little porky spaetzle, a little pear salad, a little wild mushroom lasagna... and a LOT of meyer lemon semifreddo. Dessert, as you know, is the final frontier for me when it comes to staff meal. So that ruled.

Waitress

Everything that could have gone wrong last night, did. It was busy (I guess that's good at least), and right at that crucial 7:30 turn when everyone should be leaving so the grownups could come sit down, the computer crashed. I was all "I'll be right back with your check"... in twenty minutes when we get the computer back up. So we were hand writing orders into the kitchen and ignoring the desperate stares of diners wanting to leave. Meanwhile the people who had reservations for those tables were getting restless. We giggled and turned up the reggae to encourage good vibes around the restaurant and to drown out the screaming of our minds. I'm sure everyone appreciated this gesture. It certainly did inspire the creep of the night who was perched at the end of the bar to muse about the various qualities of my hair that he especially liked. LOUDER MUSIC PLEASE!
My very favorite part, however, was when the kitchen started flooding. Its an open kitchen, there's no where to hide. Water doesn't take to hiding well anyway- we were piling up mats and trying to play it cool while it desperately attempted to flow onto the dining room floor. Greasy, greasy water.
Shane kept asking, "is it a full moon?" as he smashed martini glasses into the ice well.
So... was it?

Creeping in the dark

I just crept into a sleeping house... with a bottle of riesling... a quart of lard... and a twenty pound turkey. I felt weird driving all these new friends home. Just us girls! The turkey is so large and pink, I wondered if I should buckle it up. It was a struggle carrying it all in at once (never a second trip- not with 3 flights of stairs each way). As I struggled with the contents of the refrigerator to make some room for this toddler sized bird, I managed to make enough noise to awaken Kevin- sending him into a "we're being robbed" panic. This is something I do frequently, though usually I am waking him up because of imagined wild animals roaming through the house and my mind. All is well now, but I am wondering how we are going to fit anything else into the fridge.

Much to your relief, we had staff meal tonight after I voiced my anxieties several times. We had a cauliflower and romanesco salad with anchovies, lemon and parmesean cheese. We had open faced pig face sandies with cheese and onions, and a brussels sprout salad with onions and liver dressing. Lots of salad, I was very happy. I was more happy when I won the wine contest of the night- I sold both a certain dollar amount of wine and also more than Shane. Those were the requirements to get a free bottle, chosen by Anna. Getting this wine really made up for when I forgot to ring in a bottle last night and had to pay for it myself. Not that I like documenting my errors- but hey. I'm only uman.
One last thing- of course I'll be making ants on a log. I feel that that should go with out saying. Did I mention sticky buns? Homemade butter? But of course.

The Joy of Cooking

One of my favorite cooks, Jessika, is now working Thursday lunch- my one lunch shift of the week! I am very critical of staff meal after lunch because I am usually very hungry and pissed off. Jessika knows this and she really aims to please (perhaps only to avoid certain death). On Thursday, she made a giant salad with sweet corn and this creamy tarragon lemon dressing. I know there was a lot of other stuff in there, but that combo stole my HEART. 

I wish I could say I could remember any specific tales from this past week, but it is mostly a fog of "I just had a sandy clam. What do you plan on doing about that?" and "This menu is weird. Is there anything good  to eat?"

 Meanwhile, Biscuit Land had a special celeb speckled week including two visits made by one Jack White. What the hell? We had no spotting's. I did see Burn After Reading though, and it was just like waiting on John Malkovich all over again. If only we could talk about padron peppers one more time... which, by the way, I bought at the farmers market today, along with chanterelles, tiny potatoes, sweet onions, and carrots. I'm making stew!

I did my weekly bake-off for Pine State yesterday and this time around I made Georgia On My Mind peach and blackberry crisp with pecan maple crispies on top. Jack White had better come back and get some! It was a rich batch- I had copious berries and butter on my hands and over-did it with both. But who's complaining? Not my co-workers because I made one for them too. Briggs whipped up some sweet cream and we had dessert for dinner. Yesssssssss.

The final news I will force on you today is that I got my haircut. I love it, I love my new hairdresser, and I love my new hairspray. Hairspray! What an embarassing item to own! It smells like "grandpa" according to everyone who smells my scalp- which is a lot of people. Kevin narrowed it down to "aqua velva"- which his grandpa used to wear. I told him to get ready to take his grandpa to bed, and he grimaced. At least my hair looks good.

Weird Plate

I find that most of the meals I eat at work are piles of strange foods. Last night for example: bean-zucchini pile plus arugula-beet pile plus shrimp salad on weird crackers pile plus tiny salt cod fritters. These things are scraps from other moments in time, like the moment when the cooks are plating up actual meals. Whenever I work private events, there are always small strange piles left over. This is how I came by "dinner" last night. But here is the thing- we are very excited about these and spread the word amongst the other servers very quickly. Here's how it went last night:

me: THE EAGLE HAS LANDED in the closet.

shane: what are we talking?

me: small balls, shrimpies, and tuna beans!

shane: oh shit!

holly: the small balls are so much better.

me: tell me about it.

And then we all creep into the employee changing room/mop closet and stuff our faces like rabid animals for 30 seconds. Minutes later, back on the floor with clean hands and smiling faces, we are acting so casual we don't even believe we could have ever been so savage. But we are. Behind closed doors, we are hungry, crazy monsters just looking for some leftovers.

A very special evening.

And it was. Today when I arrived at work I noticed that it was pita-bar staff meal. I like bars of all kinds- sandwich bar, hotdog bar, baked potato bar... Pita bar looked especially fun with hummus, flank steak and fresh pitas. Sadly I was full from a hot lunch date to Hotlips Pizza and the dry cleaners with Kevin. If I had known it was going to be a bar style staff meal I might not have had two pieces of pizza, but whatever. 

What's important here is that I had a star spangled evening. One in which I WAITED ON JOHN MALKOVICH. What did you do tonight? Probably not fuck up John Malkovich's order the way that I did! Ha ha! And I did... We chatted about padron peppers and pinot noir, and I got over being nervous very quickly. After spending a great deal of money on a bottle of wine he put ice cubes in it, but I think that that goes with the celebrity status. If I was a celebrity I would be ordering white wine spritzers left and right and never once feel ashamed the way I do now. He was well spoken and dressed very stylishly in seersucker and sneakers. Duh! 

Enough about that- but I could go on so if you want more details... call me. I reallllly want to go on.

I need to backtrack to saturday night (when I waited on a certain terrible portland band that I wish to forget, but P list celebrities nonetheless, to stick with tonight's famewhore theme). Dave Briggs made us a very special staff meal- corn dogs and tots. I also got a special treat: I was asking one of the cooks to make me a quail egg omelette with but one tiny egg because it would be so cute, and he thought I really wanted an omelette so he made me one with duck skin... and chicken eggs. It was not cute and served on a flower petal the way I suggested, but it was absolutely fantastic. Fluffy and fatty. I don't know how one person could be so lucky.

On saturday morning I went to see Sam at her job. She too is a waitress, but she is forced into working BRUNCH. Something I can't imagine- a fate worse than death. I was one of her few tables at this point though so I got spoiled rotten with attention. Attention and trout! This was served with a piece of speck seared onto the skin, atop corn and lobster mushroom hash. I am obviously still thinking about it.

Finally, Jacky has fleas. And... I waited on John Malkovich.