Good Year for the Roses

Seriously, as soon as Jack gets back from his honeymoon, he is DEAD. Work is really starting to get to me. Even if we had milkshakes and waffles for staff meal I would still probably feel this way. This is an example of why I am full of resentment and hatred: 

A conversation between myself and that mother daughter combo I previously mentioned

Me: Can I get you two anything started?

Mother:.....................Um.....................................................Welllll....................................

Me: Looks like you need more time. I'll be back in a few minutes.

Mother: No no, hang on. Um.............................................................................Hmmm...................

Me: Would your little girl like some pasta with cheese?

Mother: Oh she eats fine dining all the time. It's just... usually we can find things we like! What I really want is a little duck breast with a port reduction, but as a small plate.

Me: Interesting!

Mother: Or this gnocchi- I would really like it with brown butter and sage.

Me: Well it seems like you might think you are in a different restaurant right now, so I'm going to give you a few minutes to adjust and read the menu our chef has prepared. 

It goes on, ending with me feeling like other people might want to hear this story and writing it on my blog. It's not funny, or all that unusual, it just INFURIATES me. I really shouldn't include the daughter in the story because she was just a kid that will grow up to be a horrible bitch but just hasn't reached her potential yet. I would like to believe that "No! Maybe she will be sweet as pie to rebel against her mom!" but I read her future and that's not it. 

Back to about a week ago before I was tired and mean:

We went and saw the Chapman swifts! We packed a picnic of cheese, figs, olives and wine, and my dad brought his own eggplant caponata. Shane brought some pot, which we smoked inches behind my dads back. If only I had known in high school how easy it could have been! He did catch on later and found it to be very funny. Anyway- this all added up to quite an evening.  There are so many tiny swifts flying around in these beautiful formations, and then in the end they all swirl down into a big chimney like it is sucking them in. A falcon flew in during this and picked off one of the birds- it caught it mid flight! Everyone was cheering for the falcon getting a meal, but I was a little off my rocker and found this to be a small tragedy. 

The weather is beautiful this week. My dad and I went to Sauvie Island and picked a 5 gallon bucket of farm flowers which are now all over my house. We took the doggies to the beach where they went totally wild, and we had grilled corn and sandwiches at Kruger farms. 

That was before. Now I am in the depths of this horrible work week and I must return now to work lunch. Cross your fingers that I make or find a million dollars today.

double the fun!

I have to work every day this week and also a double today. If you know me even a little bit you know that I try to avoid working at all costs. What I'm saying is; this is unheard of! I have been doing A LOT of whining about this crazy schedule and damning all people who go on "honeymoons" and "vacations". 

I don't have time to tell all the tales of the past few days but here are the highlights to look forward to:

Swifts!

Picnics! 

Mother-daughter bitch duos!

Duck in the closet!

yours truly.

omg

Read this, RIGHT NOW!

"I need answers"

Whiner!

Tonight sucked for reasons I can't really remember. I'm always so appalled by certain things that happen like "I can't believe that person just asked me to re-polish their wine glass- what an ASSHOLE!!!!!!". And in my mind, it's just like that- 6 exclaimation marks or maybe even more. They aren't asking for much, but I really hate them for it. It's all about the timing. Sometimes I can understand why a person might want to save the cork I just threw away, or why they want their perfectly cooked lamb brought up to medium, but not on nights like tonight. So what was it that pissed me off tonight? Everything, and for no specific reason. And there was no staff meal. Ok, I'm done.

Weird Plate

I find that most of the meals I eat at work are piles of strange foods. Last night for example: bean-zucchini pile plus arugula-beet pile plus shrimp salad on weird crackers pile plus tiny salt cod fritters. These things are scraps from other moments in time, like the moment when the cooks are plating up actual meals. Whenever I work private events, there are always small strange piles left over. This is how I came by "dinner" last night. But here is the thing- we are very excited about these and spread the word amongst the other servers very quickly. Here's how it went last night:

me: THE EAGLE HAS LANDED in the closet.

shane: what are we talking?

me: small balls, shrimpies, and tuna beans!

shane: oh shit!

holly: the small balls are so much better.

me: tell me about it.

And then we all creep into the employee changing room/mop closet and stuff our faces like rabid animals for 30 seconds. Minutes later, back on the floor with clean hands and smiling faces, we are acting so casual we don't even believe we could have ever been so savage. But we are. Behind closed doors, we are hungry, crazy monsters just looking for some leftovers.

Well!

I don't normally work on tuesday nights, so when my section was empty and I wandered into the kitchen to look for a snack I was SHOCKED to see malted cherry ribs and a bowl of polenta. Do they always get so pampered on tuesdays? Was this a mean joke? No, DP just decided to make up for the utterly bizarre lunch offering of spatzle with olives, cheese, meat and a cup of salt by making us something special. What I admired about this staff meal was the obvious effort involved- this took planning in advance. It showed some respect for both us and the food being prepared. We'll see how today goes, although I know who's behind the staff meal wheel and this guy seems to HATE US. If we have crostini with ham sauce again, I'm slashing some bike tires.

PS Don't you think I should get that dog pictured at the top???

Piety

The day after the pie-off I was feeling so happy that I made another pie. This one would have been a real winner too- if only I had known the wonder that is the peach pie! This one, again with the lard/butter crust, was peach basil. Rather than making another herbal simple syrup, I just put in fresh basil from my porch garden. It was delightful and the inside was exactly the right consistency. The pie-off really made me rethink my relaxed attitude and has sent me into a world of very serious baking. No more laughter or games, that much is obvious. 

Last night we went out for some whatevs Cuban food and then to see Encounters at the End of the World- the Werner Herzog film about Antarctica. The audience we were watching the movie with was so dumb! They were laughing at all the wrong parts, including when the confused penguin wanders off in the wrong direction, towards the mountains and certain death. I can't think of anything more sad, unless maybe if it was Jacky. 

The movie is weird, and makes me not want to go to the south pole. However, it did make me realize that scientists are the real crazy people in this world. Forget artists and restaurant people- anyone who chooses to put on a waterproof snow suit and spend three months locked in a tent with a bunch of other nerds, occasionally SWIMMING AROUND UNDER THE ICE WHERE CREEPIES LIVE, is nuts. They are totally nuts! Another group of crazies have decided to spend their time crawling around on the side of frozen volcanos trying to avoid "lava bombs" and also frost bite. Confusing and conflicting temperature dangers! And all for the love of information. I'll stick to pie.