Service Industry Fun

Last night, a man off the street walked up to one of our tables and started yelling at our customers about how people should not dye dogs' hair. These people did not have a dog, or hair dye from what I could tell, and they were naturally confused. We tried to politely usher him away, and he got very angry and called us some mean names. Our feelings were hurt, we felt bad for our customers, and I wondered what got him thinking about dyed dog hair.

I mean, I agree with him- dye, no. Tattoos, yes. I also think: Grown women do not belong on razor scooters, Peonies are not out of style (as the lady at the plant store told me today, bitch), and Pine State Biscuits should deliver.

I wonder what else that guy thinks about and yells at people for??

I apologize in advance.

I hate to do it, but I'm going to have to launch into a server rant about a hot new trend. And I know that it might not go over very well because my best friend (I love you!) falls into this heading, and I know some of these people are legit, maybe even her, but not most people, so here I go...

"Gluten Allergies". How is it that over the past 3 months every other table I wait on has at least one "gluten allergy"? I mean, I get it, a working knowledge of food science vocabulary is exciting. Its like loving sauce! It's broad, vague and yet specific! It implies a certain amount of self awareness and knowledge about the fact that what you put into your body has an impact on how your body feels. And that's cool. But, really? Really really? Celiac disease exists, I would be mean and crazy to try to deny it, but I just wonder when it became contagious! I hope I don't catch it by sharing used tattoo needles or a drinking out of someone else's water glass!

It drives me insane because there are so many faces of "gluten allergies"- there are the dieters who don't want to say they are just on a diet and so they medicalize it to make it sound more legitimate, there are the new age-y types who follow every food fear trend, the self important self diagnosers who like to show off, and then there are a few people who really are celiac's and they carry around a card that explains their medical condition AND, what's more important, is they call ahead and leave information with their reservation explaining that they might need a few special allowances.

Seriously, I don't think having a little gas and or a stomach ache is that big of a deal. I get those things too, but I would rather have them than either a. find out I have an actual allergy and have to change my eating habits or b. make a big deal about it and make other people treat me differently. Is it the gluten or is it the 4 cocktails you just drank that will make you feel like shit in the morning?

These gluten people are almost worse than vegans. They don't plan ahead but expect restaurants to bend over backwards to make adjustments to the menu for them at 8 pm on a Saturday. And then wonder why it takes a long time. This has become such a problem at my restaurant that we are having a meeting this week to specifically address it! And, there are dishes on our menu that don't have gluten in them- but these people don't want those ones. They want the ones with the gluten but special for them, without the gluten. My favorite part is when they make this special request, we run around like crazy to accommodate them, they remind me of their importance every time I get to their table "now, this is gluten free, riiiight?", but then when dessert gets to the table they "indulge!!!" and have some fucking cake! NOT ON MY WATCH! GLUTEN! I never want to speak of you again!

Everything in moderation, as my grandmother always says. If you have an imaginary or real allergy, please call ahead and we would be happy to "indulge!!!" you.

TV for Winners

You know how when you are at work you have "at work" conversations? You might be talking about something very inappropriate, or mindlessly and lovingly chatting about your pets- no matter what it is, it has a certain at-workieness about it. There is a show called Party Down that captures these conversations so well, and is also very funny. I watch my TV on the internet, so I don't know where this show lives on real TV, but you should find it and watch it. The show is about how painful catering and working with the public is, and so I think anyone from the service industry will really enjoy it. When I was riding my bike to work yesterday (yay) I saw a catering company carrying some trays into the Chinese Gardens downtown. One of the guys was making his all black uniform a little more spicy by wearing black velvet pants. Very hot. I cackled. I love this show.
Here is Constance (Jane Lynch) behaving just as I do in the workplace:

The Biggest Loser (not the show)

I had the distinct pleasure of waiting on the biggest asshole of all time tonight. Did we ever speak? No. Did I ever make eye contact with him? No. Did he gesture, as I stood behind him trying to clear plates, for me to give him a back rub "while I was back there"? Yes, yes he did. And grinned at his "friends" all the while. I should have slapped him right on the ear.

The good news is that I got staff meal. Well, I got extra party food (even better). A little porky spaetzle, a little pear salad, a little wild mushroom lasagna... and a LOT of meyer lemon semifreddo. Dessert, as you know, is the final frontier for me when it comes to staff meal. So that ruled.