It turns out that if you harass a kitchen full of people for enough months (years) on end, they will break. All it took was me standing in everyone's way, stuffing undercooked crackers into my mouth and loudly complaining about staff meal. They turned on me and said, "You know what Jenny? Why don't YOU make staff meal for once if you want it so badly." And you know what I said? "FINE, I WILL. I'll show all you just how good peanut butter can BE." So... quite a pickle I got myself in. You see, I'm playing this fun game called "waitress buys a house" that has me all in a knot, and now I have to spend saturday (supposed packing day, kind of like right now is) slaving over a hot stove. Because I can't just ladle some mustard and meat pieces over hominy they way they do- I have to impress. I can't reveal my plan so far (don't have one), but it will be documented and will most likely involve candy and/or whipped cream.
Now I'm off to soothe my aching mind with vermouth.